These three words, while never quite satisfactory, are pretty handy in a pinch. But it seems that I've come to a place in my life where they won't exactly work. Specifically, what I want to do with it, my life that is. I love the idea of being an artist, but for lack of talent this evades me. Therefore I've settled on the next best thing: a writer.
Now if you are reading this you know my grammar is mediocre at best, but placing obvious setbacks aside, the idea still pervades. Unfortunately however, and while I try to stifle it, practicality has come calling. The job market sucks for journalists and I want to have a family (and all that crap). These annoying facts have pushed me farther than I ever thought I would go; I switched my major to nursing (the most practical AND deplorable career imaginable). Now I know that helping people is an amazing opportunity, but is it worth the loss? I look at the nurses in my life and I slowly see them being desensitized. It seems to me that the value of life, or at least the emotions that are attached to life, are slowly sucked away. Is the promise of a job worth losing emotion? Or maybe it's the concept of hardship that I'm afraid of losing. Life sucks, and while that is a reality, it is also an idea. As long as I keep that idea at least partially foreign, I can diagnose it, I can pick apart individual themes such as loneliness and jealousy and pain, and these themes are what fuel my desire to write. You can't inspire anyone without unearthing the hardships that individuals must push through. But if I make suffering my living, I'll bombard myself with it. If all that I will see is pain and loneliness, I'll overload my system and at the end of the day I'll avoid it. I'll push my fuel to the side and there's a chance I may never write. Is it worth the loss?
I most recently finished the Lord of the Rings trilogy and have started on That Hideous Strength, the last book in C.S. Lewis' Space trilogy. Seeing as I'm almost finished, my upcoming book list is (in no particular order) as follows.
Complete Sherlock Holmes (I'm about halfway through the stories)
A God Named Desire
The Screwtape Letters
The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy
The Series of Unfortunate Events
The Picture of Dorian Grey The Bishop's Man
If you have a particular order for me to read them in, or any ideas of other books I should read, shoot me a comment! Have a great day folks! :)